30 December, 2010

Apology/clarification/thingy

In my post on the DS9 episode 'A Man Alone' I included several references to the musical Avenue Q, including quoting the number 'Everyone's A Little Bit Racist.' I did not realise anyone would actually be offended by what I thought was just a silly joke, but I now know from feedback that at least one person was.

Honestly, I'm in two minds about this. I don't want to offend people for no good reason. I don't want to hurt people's feelings or put them off reading what else I have to say. I'm just writing opinions about Star Trek and there is no earthly reason for me to turn that into some kind of bitter wrangle. For that reason, I offered that person an apology, and I did mean it. (Who knows whether it sounded sincere to them, though; any time I get feedback like that I start to gravely doubt my ability to say what I mean without it sounding like something worse.)

On the other hand, I still think 'Everyone's A Little Bit Racist' is a very funny number, Avenue Q is overall a very funny show, and I like to quote bits and pieces of whatever I think is funny in whatever I write. I guess I can't anticipate every reference that might bother somebody with a different perspective from my own, every phrase that just seems silly to me but may seem nasty to someone else. (Many, yes, every, no, and a lot obviously depends on context and mood, not to mention whether I'm fully alert at the time.)

I hope people will understand that while I may sometimes say something tactless, without realising how it may sound to another person, I do not mean any harm, and if given the benefit of the doubt and a concise explanation of why what I said bothered you, I usually catch on and try to put things right. I don't want to be one of those people whose attitude is 'I didn't mean it that way so you are in the wrong for taking it that way,' because I've dealt with some of them myself and know how irritating they are.

Am I attempting to justify/cover myself? Yes, I suppose I am. It's never any fun to hear that you offended someone while joking around; there's always an element of wounded amour-propre from the clash between one's intentions and the way the remark was received, especially when you're usually fairly careful about these things. Even when you habitually try to be considerate and fair, you can still fuck up sometimes in unguarded moments, and all you can do is listen to what the other person says, explain yourself, and try not to repeat that particular mistake.

So I'm sorry about that, I can't promise I won't unwittingly make that kind of mistake again, and I ask you to bear with me, I guess. At least I thought about it?

22 December, 2010

TNG Episode 1.9: The Battle

In which Wesley is unusually annoying.

Memory Alpha says: A gift to Captain Picard from a Ferengi military leader may have more sinister intentions. 

My Review
This should be my last one before Christmas, because I actually have a life for the next few days - and it will also be the last one until after New Year, because guess who's moving house on the 29th? Yes, I shall be a busy bunny indeed. 

So in this episode we get some more repellent military Ferengi - I do want to continue with my assumption that Marauders are just the dregs of their society, sent out into space to stop them getting in everyone's way - and the origin of the Picard Manoeuvre, the actual spaceship one rather then the one you do with your pullover. I have spelled it Manoeuvre because it's far more French that way and I feel sure Jean-Luc would like that. 

Allons-y!

21 December, 2010

TNG Episode 1.8: Justice

In which there are many little pink playsuits.

Memory Alpha says: The Enterprise takes shore leave on a pleasurable and peaceful planet. However, things quickly turn ugly when Wesley Crusher is sentenced to death for a seemingly slight rules violation, a matter made more complicated when the Prime Directive is in effect. (Please click the Memory Alpha link for detailed information.)

My Review
This is a lavishly dumb episode, and as such I shall be reviewing it only in point form. I am psyching myself up for the dumbness by drinking soda and listening to Sailor Moon music. Speaking of which, I am vaguely impressed by how this manages to make me think 'Star Trek' and 'Sailor Mercury' at the same time. Okay, Starfleet Prism Power, let's go.

20 December, 2010

DS9 Episode 1.7: Q-Less

In which Julian gets right up my nose - and up Q's too.

Memory Alpha says: Archaeologist Vash arrives from the Gamma Quadrant as Q plagues the station and an unknown force threatens to destroy it. (Please click the Memory Alpha link for detailed information.)

My Review
I'm getting blogger's anxiety about whether people are enjoying this, because I haven't had any comments in the last couple of days, and as I type this my Blogger stats suggest people actually haven't been viewing the last couple of entries. I realise that the format or style of my reviews has been changing around; in some cases I just gave commentary while in others I recapped the episode with my commentary seeded in. (I fell into this, I suppose, because it's standard on Television Without Pity, and I usually enjoy that site - Keckler's reviews of Enterprise are well worth reading, because she gives the show credit for what it did well but never lets its many weak points slide, and is funny, and includes interesting cookery anecdotes, and she did some one-offs of TOS, TNG and DS9 episodes as well.) I hope that's not annoying people. On the other hand, I realise that it's the end of the middle of December and a lot of people are travelling to spend the holidays with their families, shopping, cooking and decorating for Christmas, going to parties, and generally less inclined to sit on their bums reading about Star Trek, so I'll try not to fret.

To take my mind off it, today I shall wrap presents (I'm using a 'brown paper packages tied up with strings' theme, and anyone who doesn't like The Sound of Music can sit on it), help decorate the tree at my parents', and watch Star Trek. I see I've surprised you! Okay, let's tackle the only Q episode of DS9, which would otherwise be Q-less, and you see what I did there.

18 December, 2010

DS9 Episode 1.6: Captive Pursuit

In which O'Brien makes a friend, and Quark is a more effective counsellor than Deanna ever was.

Memory Alpha says: O'Brien helps an alien from the Gamma Quadrant as hunters descend on the station searching for their humanoid prey. (Please click the Memory Alpha link for detailed information.)

My Review
Although O'Brien wasn't exactly the main focus of the last episode, he was our way into the story. I would say 'Captive Pursuit' is the first proper O'Brien Episode, so it's an interesting one to look at in terms of how O'Brien is used in DS9. His initial purpose in the series, besides 'mend the station,' is to be a familiar face from TNG, someone reliable and relatable who we know and like, a bit of an anchor as we get used to the new characters and setting. The foundation of the 'O'Brien Must Suffer' policy was the fact that O'Brien was so relatable and likeable, that he had an Everyman quality in the midst of space opera. And of course now that O'Brien got to be a main rather than supporting character, he could be much more developed than there was ever time for in TNG. Good opportunity for the writers, and for Colm Meaney, of whom I am fond (see The Snapper). So this is the start of O'Brien's new phase of development.

'Captive Pursuit' also features some far more convincing reptilian alien makeup than 'Lonely Among Us' did, just in case you really like reptilian alien episodes. Let'sssss go.

17 December, 2010

TNG Episode 1.7: Lonely Among Us

In which Data smokes a pipe and floats my boat.

Memory Alpha says: While transporting delegates, Picard and his crew are enveloped by a cloud that seizes control of their minds and alters their behavior.

My Review
And that's why I don't trust clouds. I have no real memory of this episode to go on, other than some blue lightning, and I think that at some point Riker comes off as a smug vegan. Since Riker looks like he lives on raw steak and ice-cream, I find this amusing. On with the show.

The Enterprise is doing a little diplomatic jaunt this week, carrying delegates from two alien races to negotiate with each other on a 'neutral conference planet' called Parliament. They come from two planets in the same solar system, and they simply hate each other's guts, a bit like us and the Martians I suppose. Since they've developed warp drive, they're eligible for Federation membership, but everybody's got to play nice in the Federation (well, despite the fact that the founding races, Vulcans, humans, Tellarites and Andorians have never really liked each other, except in a few cases where, say, individual Vulcans and humans have liked each other very, very much) so the point of the negotiations is to see if they can find some way to refrain from tearing each other's faces off long enough to be allowed in.

16 December, 2010

TNG Episode 1.6: Where No One Has Gone Before

In which Wesley is a very special boy.

Memory Alpha says: When a specialist in propulsion makes modifications to the Enterprise's warp drive that send it 2.7 million light years out of the galaxy, then an impossibly unreturnable 1 billion light years in the other direction, it is his assistant, a mysterious alien, and Wesley Crusher that must bring it back home. (Please click the Memory Alpha link for detailed information.)

My Review
I'm going to keep this uncharacteristically short, because you know what? Not a lot actually happens in this episode. Apart from a few character touches, the whole story exists pretty much to create an excuse for Wesley to work on the bridge, in the role of Acting Ensign. He doesn't actually earn this himself by proving that he's smart, responsible, mature and trustworthy; he gets given it because a mysterious alien privately tells Captain Picard that he's got the potential to be a super-genius and needs to be given extra opportunities - but mustn't be told yet that he's special, I suppose so he doesn't get a swelled head.

He compares Wesley to Mozart, which I know is supposed to make us think 'awesome precocious sparkling genius,' but makes me think 'dead at thirty-five, buried in a pauper's grave.' Also, did you know that Mozart and his mother exchanged love-letters about farts? Honestly. Read The QI Book of the Dead. It's an eye-opener. I'd pull the quote but my copy is with a friend. And no, I'm not just mixing him up with James Joyce; the whole farty love-letter thing seems to be a trope. I'll admit I often think farts are funny, but they've never really rung my bell in that way.

So I think I'll drop into point form for this commentary. Things will most likely be out of the order in which they appear in the episode, because I watched it last night and decided I was too sleepy to write it up then.

15 December, 2010

DS9 Episode 1.5: Babel

In which O'Brien commences to suffer, and Quark has an adventure.

Memory Alpha says: A virus infects the station's residents, making everyone unable to speak coherently. (Please click the Memory Alpha link for detailed information.)

My Review
Star Trek writers really like the word 'Babel,' because it's been in the title of multiple episodes, including the awesome TOS 'Journey to Babel' in which we meet Sarek and Amanda, everyone looks extra classy in dress uniform jackets, and McCoy is just elated to hear that Spock had a childhood teddy bear.


I love his eyes. Furthermore, I felt quite unnerved when I realised that in the JJTrek universe, McCoy has brown eyes and Kirk has blue; what an inversion!

This episode is the most literal use of 'Babel' in Trek, because the name originates in a Biblical story that purports to explain why people in different places speak mutually unintelligible languages. Once upon a time all the humans got together to build a great tower at a place called Babel which was going to reach Heaven and really annoy God. So God caused them all to speak different languages so they couldn't understand each other and co-operate, and the project was abandoned. I think this means the Universal Translator is an abomination, like eating shrimp, wearing poly-cotton blends, and Garak's personal life. 'Babel' also, like 'The Naked Time' and 'The Naked Now,' introduces a contagion that messes with people's minds, but to my eternal gratitude, nobody is going to get awkwardly laid.

14 December, 2010

DS9 Episode 1.4: A Man Alone

In which there is very little actual suspense about a murder case, and Julian has obviously not seen Wayne's World.

Memory Alpha says: An old enemy of Odo's is murdered behind locked doors, and all the evidence points to Odo as the killer. (For detailed information, please click the Memory Alpha link.)

My Review
I think I remember finding this a pretty good episode, so I'm interested to see what I think this time. It has the advantage of focusing on Odo, who is reliably interesting. Rene Auberjonois feels to me like one of the tentpoles of early DS9, in the way that Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner were in early TNG; without such charismatic performances, the show would have been much weaker and more likely to fold. DS9 was in a stronger position to begin with, having the proven success of TNG to support it (and provide justification for giving it time to find its style),  but I do think that if Stewart and Spiner hadn't been as good as they were, TNG might not have stayed on the air long enough to become awesome. (Yes, Jonathan Frakes helped by growing a beard, I am not denigrating his contribution.)

13 December, 2010

TNG Episode 1.5: The Last Outpost

In which we meet the Ferengi, and Data is wearing his sassy pants.

Memory Alpha says: In pursuit of Ferengi marauders, the Enterprise and its quarry become trapped by a mysterious planet that is draining both ships' energies. (For detailed information, please click the Memory Alpha link.)

My Review
'Code of Honor' was (generally unintentionally) racist about black people. Now we have 'The Last Outpost,' which manages the interesting feat of being racist about people who don't even exist, the Ferengi. It is understandable that the Ferengi are not everyone's cup of tea, but at least in DS9 they are developed into an internally consistent, relatively plausible culture and we get to know some likeable individuals. I find Rom more tiresome than anything else, but I love Quark and Nog, and Liquidator Brunt is one of my favourite antagonists. The Ferengi in DS9 are portrayed as cunning, devious, amoral, sly, shifty little bastards (stop, I'm making them blush) - but also as people who care about their families and friends, and at least don't have any genocide on their collective conscience.

But in their first appearance, 'Code of Honor,' they are prancing, jabbering idiots, to the extent that it's hard to understand how such a species of utter gobshites ever managed to get off their own planet. The Ferengi were supposed to be major antagonists in TNG, as you may have surmised from the sinister terms in which Picard mentions them in 'Farpoint,' but after this episode, the staff were forced to admit that this just wasn't going to work. They did appear again, but from then on were played for laughs rather than with any sincere attempt to suggest that they posed a challenge. Fortunately for all of us, they thought of the Borg who are WAY scarier, and maintained the Romulans and dickhead factions of Klingons, and invented the Cardassians, and it was all good.
I suppose one explanation for the vast difference in intellect between the 'Code of Honor' Ferengi and the DS9 ones could be that only fuckin' idiots sign on as marauders, while sensible and intelligent people go into business. Well, anyway, let's go, Marauder Mo.

TNG Episode 1.4: Code of Honor

In which the cause of race relations is set back... actually, nobody cares that much because it's an extremely silly episode, but it doesn't help any.

Memory Alpha says: A mission of mercy is jeopardized when a planetary ruler decides he wants an Enterprise officer as his wife. (Please click the Memory Alpha link for detailed information.)

My Review
I think it's probably true that any actor who has had an at all interesting career has been involved in some absolute stinkers - whether because they seemed good initially and only later turned to shit, because they did it as a favour to someone they liked or loved, or because they just needed to get paid. The proper spirit is demonstrated by Michael Caine, who, when asked whether he had seen the absolutely ridiculous Jaws: the Revenge said no, but he had seen the house in France it paid for, and that was lovely. (The best part of Jaws: the Revenge: Caine's character, a light plane pilot, has to ditch into the sea where the vengeful shark is swimming around and attacking a boat holding the other characters. At this point we're supposed to think the shark eats him when it has a go at the plane. Shortly afterwards, though, he swims up to the boat and they pull him on board and ask him how he escaped. Caine: 'It wasn't easy.' No more is said about it, and in the next shot in the same sequence his clothes are dry.)

'Code of Honor' is one of those stinkers. Because the fierce and obstinate alien characters were all cast as black actors, and they abduct a white, blonde, blue-eyed woman, it comes out incredibly racist and backward and weird. This casting, which was not specified by the script (it does mention two guards as black, I don't know why), was a whim of the episode's director, and got him fired when Gene Roddenberry got wind of what he was doing. However, that didn't happen until too late for a do-over, so the episode just had to be completed as it was. With that little bit of context/perspective out of the way, let's have a look at 'Code of Honor' and hope that it at least helped to pay for a bit of a house in France.

12 December, 2010

DS9 Episode 1.3: Past Prologue

In which Garak hits on Julian with the force of an angry god, and it is established that all Kira's old friends are boring jerks.

Memory Alpha says: A Bajoran terrorist tests Kira's loyalties to the Federation when he attempts to rid Bajor of the Federation for good. (Please click the Memory Alpha link for detailed information.)

My Review
Firstly, thanks to Lea, in the comments on the last entry, for pointing out that I had my episode order confused - I thought 'A Man Alone' was next, but it's 'Past Prologue.' It's a good thing she said something, or we would all have had to wait longer to see Garak.

'Past Prologue' is such a Star Trek episode title, isn't it? It sounds vaguely smart and portentous but doesn't really tell you jack about the episode. I'm not asking for a Friends-style naming scheme, particularly as Trek episode titles sometimes get rather poetic, like 'For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky,' or just endearingly stupid like 'Spock's Brain,' but my problem is that titles that are so far from being descriptive don't help me to remember which story is which. It got a bit clunky towards the end of Lost how much they liked to include the episode's title in its dialogue, but that did help my poor little memory; I read 'He's Our You' and immediately see Sayid tying to a tree and giggling his head off. Oh, Sayid. Creepy fingernails! Shoots little boys who trust him! Naveen Andrews obviously had no idea what was going on in the last season and had checked out mentally like Robert Beltran in Voyager! On with 'Past Prologue.'

DS9 Episode 1.1, 1.2: Emissary, Parts 1 & 2

In which we meet a new crew, The Sisko has some 'splainin' to do, and Dr Bashir commences being smarmy.

Memory Alpha says:  On the edge of explored space, a new crew takes command of an abandoned space station and makes an incredible discovery that will change the galaxy. (Series Premiere) (For detailed information on the episode, click the Memory Alpha link.)

My Review
I'm now going to hop sideways and forward in time and get stuck into DS9. My plan is to do two or three episodes of each series in a row, alternating as I go along. This blog, by the way, is my summer holiday project. I had wanted to foster kittens from the SPCA again, but because I'm in the process of finding and moving to a new flat, that wasn't practical. I tried to think of something else that would be good fun and take my mind off the lack of kittens, and noticed that I was tending to write enormously long comments in the Weekend Watch-along posts on ontd_startrek/tng. So I decided to make it into a blog and see how far I got. It isn't as much of an achievement as giving a kitten a good start in life (sorry, Tasha and Data, I know that's what you'd have liked me to do) but it will be enjoyable.

11 December, 2010

TNG Episode 1.3: The Naked Now

In which Wesley feels strange, but also good. I also feel strange, but not so good.
 
Memory Alpha says: The crew of the Enterprise is subjected to an exotic illness that drives them to unusual manic behavior. (Click the Memory Alpha link if you want detailed information. This post is a commentary-style review rather than a plot summary, and there will be stuff missing that I didn't have a response to.)

My Review
Oh God, I always forget 'The Naked Now' is the first real episode of TNG. I didn't expect to have to deal with it so soon. I want to get it out of the way now, though, and next time jump sideways and begin DS9.

I actually think 'The Naked Now' is a fairly groovy title, but it sounds like it's about being intensely present in the moment, with nothing between you and the experience, rather than about people actually taking their clothes off and acting like damn fools.

10 December, 2010

TNG Episode 1.1, 1.2: Encounter At Farpoint, Parts 1 & 2

In which we meet our noble crew, Riker enjoys an apple and Data is not really in character yet.

Memory Alpha says: Captain Jean-Luc Picard leads the crew of the USS Enterprise-D on its maiden voyage, to examine a new planetary station for trade with the Federation. On the way, they encounter Q, an omnipotent extra-dimensional being, who challenges humanity as a barbaric, inferior species. Picard and his new crew must hold off Q's challenge and solve the puzzle of Farpoint station on Deneb IV, a base that is far more than it seems to be. (Series Premiere

My Review
Here's how it's going to be: I am going to assume you have access to the episode in question. If you don't, you can follow the Memory Alpha link to read detailed information. I'm not going to provide a full summary of the plot because, well, Memory Alpha exists. This will just be me watching the episode and saying what I think about it, bit by bit, perhaps slightly pretending I am doing a DVD commentary.

'Encounter At Farpoint,' like most of the first two seasons of TNG, needs to be viewed with an indulgent eye, bearing in mind how good the show eventually became. (This also applies to the first couple of books in the Discworld series. I don't think anyone reading The Colour of Magic cold would understand why the series inspires the devotion that it does, or why Pratchett gets compared to Dickens.) It is hard to watch without experiencing a certain amount of contact embarrassment (oh hey, I think I got that phrase from Pratchett), but the same is true of pretty much any of us as a teenager, so I'm not on a high horse here. Let's boldly go.

Mission Statement

Welcome to Put On Your Picardigan, a blog in which I will be revisiting Star Trek: the Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I plan to watch both series again, from their first episodes, and write reviews of each. I am doing this for one reason: I have opinions about Star Trek, and I feel the urge to let them out. Actually, I think that should be one of the defining criteria for whether someone is a nerd, geek or dork, as opposed to a general member of the public: 'has opinions about Star Trek.' (The plural is important here.)

'Picardigan' is a fan nickname for the variant captain's uniform sometimes worn by Captain Picard, featuring a rather dashing little jacket that is the TNG equivalent of Captain Kirk's Slimming Wraparound Top For Fat Days. I chose it for the blog because going back to a show that I love as much as TNG (my first Trek) is as warm and comforting as putting on a favourite cardigan. Also, I wanted to call it something at least a little distinctive, as opposed to 'Some Person's Star Trek Reviews.' I focus on TNG because it was my first Trek, and on DS9 because I think it is the best Trek (for reasons that should become clear as I review it). I honour TOS as the source of all things, and I kind of prefer to pretend that Voyager and Enterprise didn't happen. Or Insurrection. Or Nemesis. 

I discovered in a recent conversation that some poor little people don't actually know what a cardigan is, so in case you're confused by the attempted pun, it's a knitted jacket, or to put it another way, a sweater that buttons up the front. They're named after the Seventh Earl of Cardigan, in honour of his service in the Crimean War, because there was a time when if you were enough of a British Empire Badass, you could get something soft and woolly named after you. Or something; I think the Charge of the Light Brigade was his fault, but at least that made a good poem. Cardigans are often called 'cardies' for short, meaning that the Cardassians have the distinction of the most incongruously cosy-sounding racial epithet in the known galaxy (except perhaps 'fuzzy-wuzzies,' which is mercifully pretty obsolete). If you already knew what a cardigan is, I hope that at least some of the stuff about the Crimean War in that paragraph was news to you.

I intend to follow a rigorous update schedule of 'when I feel like it.' Regarding content, it is fair to inform you now that there will be swearing, there will be inappropriate slang for a person of my demographic profile, there will be a lot of references to other things I like, including but not limited to Mary Poppins, Top Gear and H.P. Lovecraft, and there will be a lot of silliness and idle speculation. I should also mention that to me, making fun of Star Trek is part and parcel of loving it. When I point out things that I think don't make sense, or take the piss, it should never be taken as an indication of not liking the show (all right, I may not like some individual episodes, and will never review 'Profit and Lace'). 

Rules of the Blog
  1. I welcome your comments but will delete any that I think are stupid or mean; my definition of stupid or mean is the only one I accept for this purpose. This particularly applies to comments being mean to other commenters. Disagree politely. The fact that I feel the need to say this as Rule 1 goes to show how unpleasant the Internet can be.
  2. Data is awesome. 
  3. Beards make everything better. 
  4. O'Brien must suffer.
  5. Shut up, Wesley.
I hope you will enjoy the blog.